And that’s how the cookie crumbles

Imagine a blueberry muffin.

Even with your freshly gained knowledge that there may or may not be wood pulp in the cake mix, it's pretty impossible not to start salivating at the thought, right? This is largely because of the berries themselves. What's better -- they're so very, very healthy that it's almost wrong for them to taste so good.

Everything is better with blueberries -- that's why they put them in so many foods, cakes, cookies, muffins, you name it. Now that we think of it, there sure seems to be a lot of blueberries in a lot of products. You'd think we'd see more blueberry fields around ...

The Horror:

... not that it would do any good, as the number of blueberries you've eaten within the last year, that have actually come from such a field, is likely pretty close to zero.

I can hear it mocking us

Studies of products that supposedly contain blueberries indicate that many of them didn't originate in nature. All those dangly and chewy and juicy bits of berry are completely artificial, made with different combinations of corn syrup and a little chemist's set worth of food colorings and other chemicals with a whole bunch of numbers and letters in their names.

They do a damn good job of faking it, too -- you need a chemist's set of your own to be able to call the con. You can sort of tell them from the ingredient lists, too, if you know what to look for, although the manufacturers tend to camouflage them under nonesense terms like "blueberry flakes" or "blueberry crunchlets."

There are a number of major differences between the real thing and the Abomination Blueberry: The fake blueberries have the advantages of a longer shelf life and, of course, being cheaper to produce. But they have absolutely none of the health benefits and nutrients of the real thing. This, of course, doesn't stop the manufacturers from riding the Blueberry Health Train all the way to the bank, sticking pictures of fresh berries and other misleading cues all over the product packaging.

And how do they dodge officials? A bunch of products actually contain an unspecified amount of real berries. This way they can legally advertise natural flavors while substituting the vast majority of berries with the artificial ones.

So next time you choose blueberry cheesecake over carrot cake, think again…till of course we find out that the carrot is actually redwood shavings…

How the creative juices flow

Quick, name the healthiest drink your nearest store has to offer. You said orange juice, didn't you? It's what everybody makes you drink when you get sick. Hell, that thing must be like medicine or something. And the labels are always about health benefits -- the cartons scream "100 percent natural!", "Not from concentrate!" and "No added sugar!"

Bottled divinity

And why not believe them? When it comes to making the stuff, orange juice isn't sausage. You take oranges, you squeeze oranges, you put the result in a carton, with or without pulp. End of story, beginning of deliciousness.

But what if we told you that "freshly squeezed" juice of yours can very well be a year old, and has been subjected to stuff?

The Horror:

Ever wonder why every carton of natural, healthy, 100 percent, not-from-concentrate orange juice manages to taste exactly the same, yet ever so slightly different depending on the brand, despite containing no additives or preservatives whatsoever?

The process indeed starts with the oranges being squeezed, but that's the first and last normal step in the process. The juice is then immediately sealed in giant holding tanks and all the oxygen is removed. That allows the liquid to keep without spoiling for up to a year. That's why they can distribute it year-round, even when oranges aren't in season.

There is just one downside to the process (from the manufacturers' point of view, that is) -- it removes all the taste from the liquid. So, now they're stuck with vats of extremely vintage watery fruit muck that tastes of paper and little else. What's a poor giant beverage company to do? Why, they re-flavor with a carefully constructed mix of chemicals called a flavor pack, which are manufactured by the same fragrance companies that formulate CK One and other perfumes. Then they bottle the orange scented paper water and sell it to you.

And you thought one gulp of this would make your breakfast complete…Sigh.

 

Pulp fiction

I am now convinced that if there's one thing in the world the processed food industry is dead set against, it's allowing us to actually maintain some level of control over what we eat. Packaged food is anyway not the healthiest option. So I make it a point to read through the nutrition facts and ingredients thoroughly before I pick it up.

If you do it often enough you will see a pattern emerge. And here’s what I found.

We all know about the goodness of fiber and off late there is also a flux of “fiber enriched” processed food products in the market. And every “fiber enriched” product has “cellulose” in it (according to the ingredients). Any guesses what cellulose actually is? C’mon one little guess. No, okay hold on to your seat, it is wood pulp!

That loaf and chopping board have equal quantities of wood

It turns out that cellulose can provide texture to processed foods, so food companies have taken to happily using it as a replacement for such unnecessary and inconveniently expensive ingredients as flour and oil. As the 30 percent cheaper cellulose is edible and non-poisonous, the FDA has no interest for restricting its use -- or, for that matter, the maximum amount of it that food companies can use in a product. It is pretty much everywhere.

But the worst thing about cellulose is not that it's everywhere. The worst thing is that it is not food at all. Cellulose, unlike the actual, normal food items you think you're paying for, is completely indigestible by human beings, and it has no nutritional value to speak of. If a product contains enough of it, you can literally get more nutrients from licking your fingerprints off its wrapper.

What totally escapes me is why the processed food producers strip the original ingredients off all its natural fiber content to eventually add wood pulp to make it fiber enriched? But then just because they are bonkers, thankfully, does not mean that we have to be too. 

Mundane is it?

The last week has been quite a revelation for me. Huffing and puffing up the stairs I realized the extent of my seated digital life. Apart from work, I was pretty content with communicating with friends and family on Facebook, building a network on Facebook, building a city on Facebook and whole lot of other things…on, of course, Facebook.

What was even more fascinating is that I actually went home tired from doing that. I generally slumped myself on the couch and watched TV till the choice was between dragging myself up to make dinner or go hungry. One such day last week I watched the movie Ratatouille.

And it dawned on me…I have always loved cooking. From being restricted to omelets as a kid to whipping up 4 course dinner parties for a maximum of 25, cooking has been therapeutic to say the least. So why did it become a chore? The answer was fairly simple. Because I chose to see cooking as a chore!

If you think of it, cooking can be the most creative thing you do in the day. Combining ingredients to bring out the best flavor, watching the spices crackle in the oil, the aroma that fills the kitchen, all that is left is some good music in the background, and oh heaven! You let out a sigh after everything is in done, be it in anticipation of the accolades or the criticism you will receive. All this is so real and so much better than clicking on icons and pressing buttons.

And you know what, cooking actually helps you develop quite a few skills. I for one, multi-task, organize, meet deadlines, find the next best substitute and extract the most of available resources, all in the name of cooking.  (That sentence can actually fit in a corporate scenario). 

Talking of corporate scenarios, cooking also has an appraisal system – one that happens within the next 2 hours or so. And the best part, no matter what the result is, your hard work is always appreciated with the most precious gift ever – smiling family members, for real.